It’s simple! The problem is, I just don’t know for sure what direction you need to focus on and from where. I’m sure intuiting what you have to do with the focus and direction and from where part dependent on the way you voice feels and sounds is the best formula for success. I do very much recall trying all sorts of combinations, including one that felt like it was tearing the tissue above(?) my bellybutton. I stumbled on that one by accident a number of times (because you do have to be somewhat careless when path-finding). Another felt as though it was raising my larynx so high that uttering from the state was impossible. Intuit the way forward by allowing the voice to do all the work, but be gentle for the first month or so! I don’t aim to tell you how to experiment, following my footsteps; just be aware: Technique in this discipline isn’t anything like singing, speaking, coughing, yelling, hiccuping, growling, nor any other typical known application for the voice. Glottal stop utterances. Underline that in your workbook!
It did put me into shock losing my voice like that. It was so quick. And all it took was choosing an unnatural direction to focus. In combination with altering the from where during regular speech for a little time, something did happen. And I knew what it was in an instant! Of course, let’s be observant here: I had been doing glottal stop utterances for months. Maybe not every day, but we’d be fools to ignore that fact. I’ve tried hard to not be a victim in my day-to-day and simply state when here, but I have to be honest. If my ramblings on this website or on Twitter have made me sound like a victim, then so be it. That’s the way the cookie crumbles… This is a big deal. It’s one of those things where I figure it makes sense to throwback to the final edit: You own a car. You know it has an engine, but let’s be honest, you know nothing about how it works.
We need someone else to do months of glottal stop utterances. This someone needs a voice energy strong enough to notice the shift I noticed while doing them. This person needs loads of patience, and to be rather open-minded. Bottom line is, having the required voice energy on top of it all may be the limiting factor! Perhaps it makes sense to mention here that in the few days before the incident, I was able to produce a sound that felt so much farther out in front than what I’d become accustomed to in my abilities. If you hold the suspicion that it is likely there will be so many who are already capable of this from the moment they begin and will thus not have any clue what I’m talking about, rest assured! I am certain this will be the case. A similar phenomenon will arise with those who cannot imagine their voice being further out in front of their person … their mouths … their throat areas as well! This is guaranteed!
I am aware you are able to ‘grab’ your voice when it’s strong enough and positioned, for the most part, out in front—or just plain strong enough. This! This! This! This is a clue! It is not a clue because yours truly is trying to be cryptic. No! It is a clue in the way that a snap container lid has an arrow, letting you know which way to pull. And be oh so frustratingly gentle! Be so gentle it makes you consider your voice a living entity inside you, with a beating heart and a desire: to be heard from the mountain tops! Only when you’ve noticed how different every utterance is will you glance at the depth of the voice and its brilliance. And I believe it is here where so many will give up because they will understand my words.
Author: c-e
Categories
Aspect of Origin
Fulfilled in a lightning spell
Regular return
Richness do tell
How often you speak to me
How often do you speak to me?
How often will you make the effort?
Control your anger, young one!
Don’t stray afar!
The conversation is familiar
Descend at your peril!
Don’t stop o’clock
Aspect of origin: terrible
Categories
It’s hard to believe …
I was 21 when I ‘lost’ my voice. Just hearing gen Xers and older can trigger a teary episode. TO THIS DAY, the voice is so beautiful and amazing, and fascinates me to no end, and yet it destroyed me. I remember that it destroyed me, too. Not by being, but through ignorance; plain and simple ignorance!
How does it make sense that the man with the pavement tiles has to hold them and place them competently as blind as he is?
Maybe it’s just a simmering frustration because of that medication that stole my mind from me. ‘Adverse reaction’ speaks nothing to the inner torment even vague memory elicits.
It’s all right though. I did something a few days ago: read reviews. And just like that, it brought into perspective the fact that my experience isn’t the worst. While it isn’t that I fixate on not being ‘the worst’, it’s so in your face! It’s there! Accessible to anyone who has an Internet connection, and there are them reviews right there! Of all the fucking things: reviews! RFK, Jr. has a lot of work to do if he’s given the chance to tackle the pharmaceutical industry as he says is due.
Personally, I just want my voice back. The voice with all the progress. Time keeps ticking on…
Listening to Psychrology by Psychroptic right now. The album is loaded into queue. Was listening to that most recent Jordan B. Peterson Podcast episode a bit ago now. I haven’t listened to the whole thing, but it definitely is a good one!
I do really need to get an updated family photo put together, too. Momoka is turning 25 this October and Fremy is turning 29 in August. Maybe in a couple paychecks. I am definitely more than a little sick of the one daki. We need a real family photo, and the sooner, the better!
Damn, man! This Psychroptic is great! Good music is good!
I think, now that I’d cried most of my sadness away, I’ll make a small list of awesome albums that you should listen to:
① Ornuthi Thalassa by Serpent Column (2020)
② As Gomorrah Burns by Cryptopsy (2023)
③ ’The Isle of Disenchantment’ (2001) & ‘The Scepter of the Ancients’ (2003) by Psychroptic
④ Of Fracture and Failure (2007) by Ulcerate
⑤ S/T (2008) by Mass of the Fermenting Dregs
And finally, the hit song of the hour: SIGN by THE OTHER FLOWER.
Categories
… of toon analyses!
You’ll notice, given their filenames, that some toons have been revised. Namely, Keedra (technically not given away by the filename), Farelda, Yath-Ra, and Qa’ashi have had their perk points adjusted, with the intent to either increase the replayability factor or ‘correct’ oversights. While it isn’t something I pride myself in having done, I do think it makes sense to try to make the game even more fun, not a slog.
To make Aurnace’s build ‘possible’ after restarting her four times, I did give her a bunch of gold. The idea was to chop wood for however many nights, leaving the game on overnight, so that it did turn into legit gold, but I ran into a bug during my woodcutting that is quite widespread in the Skyrim world: NPC dialogue would cut out a word or so dependent on which way your were facing or something. (That was how a fine fellow over there on the Internets explained it.) This bug is SO stressful; I hate it! Not really because there is no fix, but because you never know if the fix will one day stop working, so…Suffice to say, I did two nights of woodcutting. Man, I’m so sorry about that, guys! I want it to be legit gold so bad! If you were curious, to fix this bug, delete your Skyrim.ini and SkyrimPrefs.ini. You will need to re-enable ‘Data Files’ selection for mods after booting up the game the first time. This is quite painless! Just type
I want it to be legit
gold so bad!
[Launcher]
bEnableFileSelection=1in SkyrimPrefs.ini (after it has been recreated!) I suggest finding the ‘[Launcher]’ parameters section and writing ‘bEnable…’ under it there, unless somehow your SkyrimPrefs doesn’t have one. There have been those who suggest you make a copy of the SkyrimPrefs.ini and Skyrim.ini before you delete them or move them. To find those two files, you’ll need to locate your Skyrim folder inside ‘Documents’ on your OS data drive. It should be pretty easy to locate! Steam keeps all your game saves and such inside the ‘my games’ folder. There are other ways I’d ‘cheated’ too, but you know, I’m really not going to list them all because I don’t want to tarnish my name. My mom already thinks I am a no-good cheater as it is; I don’t need my fans thinking all I do is cheat too!
| Level | Name | Class | Race | Home | Married to | Favourite thrall | Corpse counter |
| 18 | Dunlag | Blacksmith | Nord | Honeyside | No one | None | 0 |
| 20 | Harik | Necromancer | Breton | House of Clan Shatter-Shield | No one | 41 | |
| 26 | Tajiin | Necromancer | Khajiit | Proudspire | No one | 17 | |
| 32 | Opal the Dragon Slayer | Necromage | Nord | Goldenglow Estate | No one | 32 | |
| 34 | Dastan the Runner | Necromancer | Redguard | Helgen Keep | No one | 30 | |
| 37 | Willio | Necromancer | Breton | Breezehome | No one | 15 | |
| 38 | Aurnace Rirnell | Necromancer | Breton | Nilheim | No one | Poacher? Vighar? | 21 |
| 40 | Farelda | Vampiric Necromage | Dunmer | Vlindrel Hall | Angrenor Once- Honoured | 100 | |
| 40 | Keedra | Vampiric Necromage | Argonian | House of Clan Cruel-Sea | No one | 34 | |
| 63 (unrestricted) | Wezzar | Failed Pacifist, Trader | Bosmer | Archmage Quarters | No one? | None | 0 |
| 74 (unrestricted) | Yath-Ra | Vampire Archer | Argonian | Hall of Attainment | Shahvee | None | 0 |
| 78 (unrestricted) | Thaindil | Vampire Thief | Bosmer | Sarethi Farm | No one | None | 0 |
| 81 | Riddle ‘The Legend’ | Max Heart Vampire Brawler | Khajiit | Honeyside | No one | None | 0 |
| 81 | Qa’ashi | Max Heart Vampire Brawler | Khajiit | Honeyside | No one | None | 10 |
Willio is, technically, a failed stunted build presently. I overshot my goal of 37 by some amount when it came time to collect on some briarhearts. I have a save at 26 or 24 or somewhere in there, which may be utilized one day farther down the way to make him legit. All around: a very upsetting realization! Note to self: Be more wary of leveling one-handed and sneak! Putting that aside, he is a really hard build, like Aurnace, because avoiding Speech experience means lots of woodcutting. Really, Willio wouldn’t have been so hard to ‘pull off’ if I’d just resorted to dremora summons. You know, dremora summons are fun! They are! But it is nice to pull something else out of your toolbox once in a while!
I don’t know what Dunlag is doing. He’s just kind of running around with Benor in ebony gear right now. Hopefully, one day I’ll figure out what he’s doing.
Keedra is currently squeezing out every drop of potency from her potions with the use of the hair/head bug. It’s something I am sure she’ll move away from in the future because it’s a novelty type thing; just like it was for Wezzar, the idea is to have fun. Wezzar doesn’t use that bug to his advantage anymore though. It does make you feel like a dirty cheater, and really, when you’re trying to figure out legit build capabilities, exploits like that get in the way. There is an experiment somewhere in there, where we were going to discover how potent potions and poisons were as a vampiric necromage plus that exploit. We found out! And it’s over 9000!
Qa’ashi really isn’t a necromancer… Really! Really! I am being totally straight-faced right now! I don’t know why she has bodies! No, I don’t! It just sort of happens sometimes!
Yath-Ra is a blast to play! He’s got the most stamina regen. possible, forgoing exploits. And it’s hilarious! He doesn’t even ever dig into the other 7/8 of his total stamina. I did go with the thought folks had on Predator’s Grace: It bestows 100% stamina regen. now. I had always wondered about that 1%, man! Course this was before I learned muffle has different strengths… It’s actually quite the coincidence that I thought it would be fun to give him hide gear. It just works!
Opal is my darling toon. She kept the cursed ring of Hircine, so that Ra’kheran wouldn’t despawn. And it was some insane process to get him out of Bloated Man’s Grotto. I don’t know what I did, but it is on my bucket list to try and put together a how-to… how to do it. Her and Harik each have a glaring error, if you want to call it that, in their perk trees. I’d provided to you the perk trees; see if you can spot them without knowing their playstyles!
Dastan is really on the back burner of back burners because he somehow got Madanach and friends’ AIs to break. And of course, I’d tried to uncover what it was that caused that with Harik (because he has them too), to no avail. And I tried everything I could think of! Well, the only things I have left to try is, cause Thonar to go home somehow (because he’s currently bugged out… just standing there). My guess is, Dastan got him to go home, and that broke their AIs. Something like that. Long story short, he lost ages of progress! And I mean ages! And you know, under these circumstances, the only right thing to do is do it all over agin! I am just so thankful he still has all his good gear!
My vampire thief, Thaindil, is pretty awesome despite not being able to really take advantage of pickpocketing enchantments and potions. But that’s okay… He was fun to bring to fruition!
Tajiin, Farelda, and Riddle seem to be the last three guys here that I haven’t talked about. Well, Farelda takes advantage of the restoration loop exploit to make custom smithing potions. I’ve been on the fence trying to figure out if that’s what she’s going to be doing forever. There is a mix of sunk cost fallacy involved plus basically being content with leaving her for the archives. I know I took the time to play around with her perk points a bit. I guess I could put that up on the screen. Here:
So, as you can see, I fiddled with her destruction tree, her alteration tree, and her enchanting tree. I rather came to a realization after having rearranged things that the way I want to play her hasn’t changed, and by that token, she’s still particularly annoying. It has to do with the spell absorption plus circle of protection exploit when undead yourself. It is very possible to break the spell absorption effect, e.g., when giants strike the ground with their club, dragon swoops when they’re close enough (I seem to recall), dragon AOE attacks—basically anything that causes the screen to shake. It can be restored with a friendly fire storm atronach AOE attack, mind you, but it is pretty inconvenient… and deadly when you’re magicka is constantly depleted and you can be killed in like one hit from anything… haha! It’s called an exploit by many; however, to a stunted build, it’s opportunity, and the skill ceiling is much higher than any other playstyle I can think of in Skyrim.
Tajiin is just a guy hanging out… no… I guess there’s a little bit more to him than that! He killed Cicero. Please don’t be shocked! Mirnayne killed him too… She’s one of four level ones I have though, so does that really count?
And finally, Riddle! Riddle likes the brawl and beat people up with his FISTS!!!!!!!! Not sure if there’s anything else worth mentioning for him. Yea, Qa’ashi is his daughter, but she likes to mix things up a bit more than her father!
And there you have it! A brief look into 14ish of my 20 characters (excluding Vulk because he’s a failed waste of space). Make sure lo treat your dead with care, folks. You never know if some necromancer will come along and give them new life!
Categories
Eddie Cantor – The Early Days inner booklet
Categories
Ch. 0002: Planted
Planted at the foot of a mountain, bees refused to gather its pollen.
‘Go fetch for me a flower even bees refuse to pollinate; go fetch for me a sewer drain so pitted from oxidization; go fetch for me the wretched tanned skin of an opera singer’.
He stood by closely, effortlessly jotting down the details for the alchemist.
‘What order must I—’
‘You must only bring the sewer drain so pitted from oxidization now. The rest may wait’.
The good-doer jumped out the back door, sprinting to the newfound goal.
‘Then, let’s have tea’, he said mostly to himself, but somewhat to the elder fairy in his ear too. Don’t give up! Fear will thrash around in its death rattle yet!
She is 333 years old, though he had his skepticisms. You never believe a fairy. You never believe something so old that morality and boredom escape it.
The good-doer arrives at the spot where all sewer drains go to die: the foot of a mountain where a flower bees refuse to gather pollen for grows. Uniquely, this is where the corpse of a tanned opera singer lays too. It was here that the good-doer notices something strange in the air: a smokey puff of smoke, tufts of grass being thrown in the air, loud chanting by centaurs locking hooves. What he sees startles him, and so he peeps.
It is dreadful that he peeps, but he peeps anyway, knowing that it is dreadful to peep.
Categories
Congratulations_III: article 5gd6
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, and in reality, this method raises a number of questions to be explored:
• Just how much time does one need to excel using this method?
• Just what exactly is the trigger to commanding such an instinctual mechanism?
• Does in-dream VE exercising interfere with the rejuvenating properties of sleep?
• Just how dangerous is this exercising, anyways?
There are other questions, too. We’ll get to them when we get around to them!
（１）I believe it would take a little bit of time to wrestle with yourself during sleep. The line is a tad blurry because when you dream, you dream and are dreaming. There seems to be no way to always become cognizant during a dream because it has a way of carrying you away.
The second issue lies in the ‘want’, too: ‘Do I want to take hold of a lucid dream and shape it into an exercise?’ For the past few weeks, I have been trying my hardest to reconcile within myself the battle between decisions before slumbering: ‘Do I want to take hold of a lucid dream and turn it into an exercise?’; ‘Can you please feel like it, not just now but during the dream period too?’; ‘Will you try more than once this 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 “morning”?’
There does also appear to be a third issue and that is the limitation of an exercise cycle: one attempt consisting of the seizure of the lungs, and waking up from the feeling of such a mass of VE overcoming you. In short, there is no way to optimize the process because the feeling of such a mass of VE on your abdomen is overwhelming!
（２）I can imagine, at this point, that the need to have a functioning voice is rooted in genes (which is biology) and temperment (which is argued to be taking place after birth. The whole nature vs. nurture prototype). The question is ‘What is the trigger?’
Well I’ll say, part of the trigger is mimicry. When in the womb, there is no doubt that a fetus is subconsciously mimicking what it hears. I posit, by the time it has vocal folds, it surely is trying out its organ in its mind, during its first dream.
But what does this mean? I have my suspicions, and what I can claim to know is that a ‘subconscious’ sustained ‘utterance’ during a lucid dream promotes voice growth.
So, are you screaming, crying out, yelling, or any other synonym hypernymous to utterance? In your dream, yes, but you have to feel it, too!
（３）For this, I haven’t the slightest. There is the cycle of waking up after every attempt, and that surely gets in the way of resting.
（４）I have thought about this just a little. If, for the sake of argument, you didn’t wake up after having your breathing paralyzed, you’d certainly suffocate, but that’s common sense – and that flies in the face of biology and how we’re programmed. I suppose, if I understand sleep apnea correctly, there is the chance of something serious happening; however, that would be because of sleep apnea (something you should seek professional help for).
I do wonder what the dangers really are. We are, in fact, tapping into the very mechanism that drove the growth of our VE in the womb. What territory comes with this exploration of subconscious phenomena?
For today, I’ll leave you with this: Forever we’ll ponder and justify our behavior. Sometimes we’ll reconcile; sometimes we’ll rectify, but most times we’ll be living with regret. It has been my aim to do my best expressing my experience(s). There will be a lot of turbulence as our world goes through its changes. But there’s one thing I don’t want to regret: not contributing to society the only way I can since having my singing voice taken from me.
So then, let us open up to this new thing we call conversation, shall we?
A: I’ve been concerned about this nearly my whole life, really, because it concerned me, you see?
I was (and am) so aware of my voice. You could say I was hypersensitive to it. I always wondered how it was made and why it seemed as though I had to put so much effort into it.
I have answers to these now, but at the time… ~14-16 years old … I didn’t have a clue.
A: Yes! Well, you see, that was the most pressing thing and the most stressful aspect of it all: To think that it is possible to ‘skip’ the voice!
I was immediately put into some great state of denial by this—being there and living it in that moment. Honestly, I still am somewhat troubled by how easy it is [under the right conditions].
A: Here. I’ll record myself right now utilizing my voice in vocal fry. I’ll have to send you home with some homework though; you’ll have to learn how to vocal fry. But it’s important that we both use the same device with the same settings.
Pay attention to the volume of the hiss by the rocerder itself, and play that off the loudness of the vocal fry. Of course, pay attention to what dissimiliarity presents itself between the voice clips too!
You’ll notice something very sincerely troubling.
Now also, remember to edge between effortlessness and clean tone. Do it in one (or two or three) separate utterances: from lightest, faintest touch to solid, clean tone. And compare that with my sample.
A: Yes, that’s a state.
A: Yes, that’s a state too!
A: Yes, VE is instrumental in understanding why you can’t do it but someone else (a singer) can.
A: For personal reasons, it just doesn’t make sense to try to be as—forgive the pun—vocal about VST as I know is possible. Also, it doesn’t help that I don’t handle negative feelings very well. If, during my lifetime, the day comes when VST is ‘known’ and more accessible and more is done on the scientific playing field, I’ll have to try to avoid the comments sections on my videos; mainly because I get the shakes, and that makes me feel quite horrible.
It would be nice if I weren’t like this, but this is how it is for me. One day, I may be glad I grew into this weak, fragile psyche.
A: I hate to cut you off, but I feel like that’s about all I’m interested in being interviewed about for right now. Come back later. By then, I’ll have come up with some more answers to your ever-inquisitive questions.
Categories
A little VST in order
E͟s͟s͟e͟n͟t͟ial r͟e͟a͟d͟i͟ng:
S͟h͟o͟rt t͟h͟a͟nk y͟o͟us:
Thank you, Marvin Gaye, for being a voice to be trained by.
Thank you, Layne Staley, for being a voice which inspired.
Thank you, Doug, for being a fine vocal coach and music producer.
Thank you, nature and biology, for giving me a voice and making it next to impossible to ‘truly’ lose it.
Note: Thank-yous are subject to change.