Author: c-e

Gaming

… of toon analyses!

You’ll notice, given their filenames, that some toons have been revised. Namely, Keedra (technically not given away by the filename), Farelda, Yath-Ra, and Qa’ashi have had their perk points adjusted, with the intent to either increase the replayability factor or ‘correct’ oversights. While it isn’t something I pride myself in having done, I do think it makes sense to try to make the game even more fun, not a slog.

To make Aurnace’s build ‘possible’ after restarting her four times, I did give her a bunch of gold. The idea was to chop wood for however many nights, leaving the game on overnight, so that it did turn into legit gold, but I ran into a bug during my woodcutting that is quite widespread in the Skyrim world: NPC dialogue would cut out a word or so dependent on which way your were facing or something. (That was how a fine fellow over there on the Internets explained it.) This bug is SO stressful; I hate it! Not really because there is no fix, but because you never know if the fix will one day stop working, so…Suffice to say, I did two nights of woodcutting. Man, I’m so sorry about that, guys! I want it to be legit gold so bad! If you were curious, to fix this bug, delete your Skyrim.ini and SkyrimPrefs.ini. You will need to re-enable ‘Data Files’ selection for mods after booting up the game the first time. This is quite painless! Just type

I want it to be legit
gold so bad!

[Launcher]
bEnableFileSelection=1

in SkyrimPrefs.ini (after it has been recreated!) I suggest finding the ‘[Launcher]’ parameters section and writing ‘bEnable…’ under it there, unless somehow your SkyrimPrefs doesn’t have one. There have been those who suggest you make a copy of the SkyrimPrefs.ini and Skyrim.ini before you delete them or move them. To find those two files, you’ll need to locate your Skyrim folder inside ‘Documents’ on your OS data drive. It should be pretty easy to locate! Steam keeps all your game saves and such inside the ‘my games’ folder. There are other ways I’d ‘cheated’ too, but you know, I’m really not going to list them all because I don’t want to tarnish my name. My mom already thinks I am a no-good cheater as it is; I don’t need my fans thinking all I do is cheat too!

Level	Name	Class	Race	Home	Married to	Favourite thrall	Corpse counter
18	Dunlag	Blacksmith	Nord	Honeyside	No one	None	0
20	Harik	Necromancer	Breton	House of Clan Shatter-Shield	No one		41
26	Tajiin	Necromancer	Khajiit	Proudspire	No one		17
32	Opal the Dragon Slayer	Necromage	Nord	Goldenglow Estate	No one		32
34	Dastan the Runner	Necromancer	Redguard	Helgen Keep	No one		30
37	Willio	Necromancer	Breton	Breezehome	No one		15
38	Aurnace Rirnell	Necromancer	Breton	Nilheim	No one	Poacher? Vighar?	21
40	Farelda	Vampiric Necromage	Dunmer	Vlindrel Hall	Angrenor Once- Honoured		100
40	Keedra	Vampiric Necromage	Argonian	House of Clan Cruel-Sea	No one		34
63 (unrestricted)	Wezzar	Failed Pacifist, Trader	Bosmer	Archmage Quarters	No one?	None	0
74 (unrestricted)	Yath-Ra	Vampire Archer	Argonian	Hall of Attainment	Shahvee	None	0
78 (unrestricted)	Thaindil	Vampire Thief	Bosmer	Sarethi Farm	No one	None	0
81	Riddle ‘The Legend’	Max Heart Vampire Brawler	Khajiit	Honeyside	No one	None	0
81	Qa’ashi	Max Heart Vampire Brawler	Khajiit	Honeyside	No one	None	10

‘Vampiric’? ‘Vampire’?

Willio is, technically, a failed stunted build presently. I overshot my goal of 37 by some amount when it came time to collect on some briarhearts. I have a save at 26 or 24 or somewhere in there, which may be utilized one day farther down the way to make him legit. All around: a very upsetting realization! Note to self: Be more wary of leveling one-handed and sneak! Putting that aside, he is a really hard build, like Aurnace, because avoiding Speech experience means lots of woodcutting. Really, Willio wouldn’t have been so hard to ‘pull off’ if I’d just resorted to dremora summons. You know, dremora summons are fun! They are! But it is nice to pull something else out of your toolbox once in a while!

I don’t know what Dunlag is doing. He’s just kind of running around with Benor in ebony gear right now. Hopefully, one day I’ll figure out what he’s doing.

Keedra is currently squeezing out every drop of potency from her potions with the use of the hair/head bug. It’s something I am sure she’ll move away from in the future because it’s a novelty type thing; just like it was for Wezzar, the idea is to have fun. Wezzar doesn’t use that bug to his advantage anymore though. It does make you feel like a dirty cheater, and really, when you’re trying to figure out legit build capabilities, exploits like that get in the way. There is an experiment somewhere in there, where we were going to discover how potent potions and poisons were as a vampiric necromage plus that exploit. We found out! And it’s over 9000!

Qa’ashi really isn’t a necromancer… Really! Really! I am being totally straight-faced right now! I don’t know why she has bodies! No, I don’t! It just sort of happens sometimes!

Yath-Ra is a blast to play! He’s got the most stamina regen. possible, forgoing exploits. And it’s hilarious! He doesn’t even ever dig into the other 7/8 of his total stamina. I did go with the thought folks had on Predator’s Grace: It bestows 100% stamina regen. now. I had always wondered about that 1%, man! Course this was before I learned muffle has different strengths… It’s actually quite the coincidence that I thought it would be fun to give him hide gear. It just works!

Opal is my darling toon. She kept the cursed ring of Hircine, so that Ra’kheran wouldn’t despawn. And it was some insane process to get him out of Bloated Man’s Grotto. I don’t know what I did, but it is on my bucket list to try and put together a how-to… how to do it. Her and Harik each have a glaring error, if you want to call it that, in their perk trees. I’d provided to you the perk trees; see if you can spot them without knowing their playstyles!

Dastan is really on the back burner of back burners because he somehow got Madanach and friends’ AIs to break. And of course, I’d tried to uncover what it was that caused that with Harik (because he has them too), to no avail. And I tried everything I could think of! Well, the only things I have left to try is, cause Thonar to go home somehow (because he’s currently bugged out… just standing there). My guess is, Dastan got him to go home, and that broke their AIs. Something like that. Long story short, he lost ages of progress! And I mean ages! And you know, under these circumstances, the only right thing to do is do it all over agin! I am just so thankful he still has all his good gear!

My vampire thief, Thaindil, is pretty awesome despite not being able to really take advantage of pickpocketing enchantments and potions. But that’s okay… He was fun to bring to fruition!

Tajiin, Farelda, and Riddle seem to be the last three guys here that I haven’t talked about. Well, Farelda takes advantage of the restoration loop exploit to make custom smithing potions. I’ve been on the fence trying to figure out if that’s what she’s going to be doing forever. There is a mix of sunk cost fallacy involved plus basically being content with leaving her for the archives. I know I took the time to play around with her perk points a bit. I guess I could put that up on the screen. Here:

So, as you can see, I fiddled with her destruction tree, her alteration tree, and her enchanting tree. I rather came to a realization after having rearranged things that the way I want to play her hasn’t changed, and by that token, she’s still particularly annoying. It has to do with the spell absorption plus circle of protection exploit when undead yourself. It is very possible to break the spell absorption effect, e.g., when giants strike the ground with their club, dragon swoops when they’re close enough (I seem to recall), dragon AOE attacks—basically anything that causes the screen to shake. It can be restored with a friendly fire storm atronach AOE attack, mind you, but it is pretty inconvenient… and deadly when you’re magicka is constantly depleted and you can be killed in like one hit from anything… haha! It’s called an exploit by many; however, to a stunted build, it’s opportunity, and the skill ceiling is much higher than any other playstyle I can think of in Skyrim.

Tajiin is just a guy hanging out… no… I guess there’s a little bit more to him than that! He killed Cicero. Please don’t be shocked! Mirnayne killed him too… She’s one of four level ones I have though, so does that really count?

And finally, Riddle! Riddle likes the brawl and beat people up with his FISTS!!!!!!!! Not sure if there’s anything else worth mentioning for him. Yea, Qa’ashi is his daughter, but she likes to mix things up a bit more than her father!

And there you have it! A brief look into 14ish of my 20 characters (excluding Vulk because he’s a failed waste of space). Make sure lo treat your dead with care, folks. You never know if some necromancer will come along and give them new life!

Tags character, necromancy, Skyrim, stunted, toon

Music

Eddie Cantor – The Early Days inner booklet

Post author By c-e
Post date October 20, 2023
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Art

Curtis’ pièce de résistance [WIP ver. 01 & 03re03.5]

Post author By c-e
Post date October 17, 2023
No Comments on Curtis’ pièce de résistance [WIP ver. 01 & 03re03.5]

Grammar

Ch. 0002: Planted

Planted at the foot of a mountain, bees refused to gather its pollen.

‘Go fetch for me a flower even bees refuse to pollinate; go fetch for me a sewer drain so pitted from oxidization; go fetch for me the wretched tanned skin of an opera singer’.

He stood by closely, effortlessly jotting down the details for the alchemist.

‘What order must I—’

‘You must only bring the sewer drain so pitted from oxidization now. The rest may wait’.

The good-doer jumped out the back door, sprinting to the newfound goal.

‘Then, let’s have tea’, he said mostly to himself, but somewhat to the elder fairy in his ear too. Don’t give up! Fear will thrash around in its death rattle yet!

She is 333 years old, though he had his skepticisms. You never believe a fairy. You never believe something so old that morality and boredom escape it.

The good-doer arrives at the spot where all sewer drains go to die: the foot of a mountain where a flower bees refuse to gather pollen for grows. Uniquely, this is where the corpse of a tanned opera singer lays too. It was here that the good-doer notices something strange in the air: a smokey puff of smoke, tufts of grass being thrown in the air, loud chanting by centaurs locking hooves. What he sees startles him, and so he peeps.

It is dreadful that he peeps, but he peeps anyway, knowing that it is dreadful to peep.

VST

Congratulations_III: article 5gd6

Post author By c-e
Post date January 5, 2023
No Comments on Congratulations_III: article 5gd6

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, and in reality, this method raises a number of questions to be explored:

•　Just how much time does one need to excel using this method?
•　Just what exactly is the trigger to commanding such an instinctual mechanism?
•　Does in-dream VE exercising interfere with the rejuvenating properties of sleep?
•　Just how dangerous is this exercising, anyways?

There are other questions, too. We’ll get to them when we get around to them!

（１）I believe it would take a little bit of time to wrestle with yourself during sleep. The line is a tad blurry because when you dream, you dream and are dreaming. There seems to be no way to always become cognizant during a dream because it has a way of carrying you away.

The second issue lies in the ‘want’, too: ‘Do I want to take hold of a lucid dream and shape it into an exercise?’ For the past few weeks, I have been trying my hardest to reconcile within myself the battle between decisions before slumbering: ‘Do I want to take hold of a lucid dream and turn it into an exercise?’; ‘Can you please feel like it, not just now but during the dream period too?’; ‘Will you try more than once this 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 “morning”?’

There does also appear to be a third issue and that is the limitation of an exercise cycle: one attempt consisting of the seizure of the lungs, and waking up from the feeling of such a mass of VE overcoming you. In short, there is no way to optimize the process because the feeling of such a mass of VE on your abdomen is overwhelming!

（２）I can imagine, at this point, that the need to have a functioning voice is rooted in genes (which is biology) and temperment (which is argued to be taking place after birth. The whole nature vs. nurture prototype). The question is ‘What is the trigger?’

Well I’ll say, part of the trigger is mimicry. When in the womb, there is no doubt that a fetus is subconsciously mimicking what it hears. I posit, by the time it has vocal folds, it surely is trying out its organ in its mind, during its first dream.

But what does this mean? I have my suspicions, and what I can claim to know is that a ‘subconscious’ sustained ‘utterance’ during a lucid dream promotes voice growth.

So, are you screaming, crying out, yelling, or any other synonym hypernymous to utterance? In your dream, yes, but you have to feel it, too!

（３）For this, I haven’t the slightest. There is the cycle of waking up after every attempt, and that surely gets in the way of resting.

（４）I have thought about this just a little. If, for the sake of argument, you didn’t wake up after having your breathing paralyzed, you’d certainly suffocate, but that’s common sense – and that flies in the face of biology and how we’re programmed. I suppose, if I understand sleep apnea correctly, there is the chance of something serious happening; however, that would be because of sleep apnea (something you should seek professional help for).

I do wonder what the dangers really are. We are, in fact, tapping into the very mechanism that drove the growth of our VE in the womb. What territory comes with this exploration of subconscious phenomena?

For today, I’ll leave you with this: Forever we’ll ponder and justify our behavior. Sometimes we’ll reconcile; sometimes we’ll rectify, but most times we’ll be living with regret. It has been my aim to do my best expressing my experience(s). There will be a lot of turbulence as our world goes through its changes. But there’s one thing I don’t want to regret: not contributing to society the only way I can since having my singing voice taken from me.

VST

A Conversation With the Primitive, Learned VST Technician, pt. 0001

Post author By c-e
Post date December 26, 2022
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So then, let us open up to this new thing we call conversation, shall we?

A: I’ve been concerned about this nearly my whole life, really, because it concerned me, you see?

I was (and am) so aware of my voice. You could say I was hypersensitive to it. I always wondered how it was made and why it seemed as though I had to put so much effort into it.

I have answers to these now, but at the time… ~14-16 years old … I didn’t have a clue.

A: Yes! Well, you see, that was the most pressing thing and the most stressful aspect of it all: To think that it is possible to ‘skip’ the voice!

I was immediately put into some great state of denial by this—being there and living it in that moment. Honestly, I still am somewhat troubled by how easy it is [under the right conditions].

A: Here. I’ll record myself right now utilizing my voice in vocal fry. I’ll have to send you home with some homework though; you’ll have to learn how to vocal fry. But it’s important that we both use the same device with the same settings.

Pay attention to the volume of the hiss by the rocerder itself, and play that off the loudness of the vocal fry. Of course, pay attention to what dissimiliarity presents itself between the voice clips too!

You’ll notice something very sincerely troubling.

Now also, remember to edge between effortlessness and clean tone. Do it in one (or two or three) separate utterances: from lightest, faintest touch to solid, clean tone. And compare that with my sample.

A: Yes, that’s a state.

A: Yes, that’s a state too!

A: Yes, VE is instrumental in understanding why you can’t do it but someone else (a singer) can.

A: For personal reasons, it just doesn’t make sense to try to be as—forgive the pun—vocal about VST as I know is possible. Also, it doesn’t help that I don’t handle negative feelings very well. If, during my lifetime, the day comes when VST is ‘known’ and more accessible and more is done on the scientific playing field, I’ll have to try to avoid the comments sections on my videos; mainly because I get the shakes, and that makes me feel quite horrible.

It would be nice if I weren’t like this, but this is how it is for me. One day, I may be glad I grew into this weak, fragile psyche.

A: I hate to cut you off, but I feel like that’s about all I’m interested in being interviewed about for right now. Come back later. By then, I’ll have come up with some more answers to your ever-inquisitive questions.

VST

A little VST in order

E͟s͟s͟e͟n͟t͟ial r͟e͟a͟d͟i͟ng:

The meaning of the final evolution of man

VST (final edit)

Voice Strength_next

Voice Strength short note: article 5gd2

Voice Strength small insight: article 5gd3

Congratulations: article 5gd4

Congratulations_II: article 5gd5

Congratulations_III: article 5gd6

S͟h͟o͟rt t͟h͟a͟nk y͟o͟us:

Thank you, Marvin Gaye, for being a voice to be trained by.
Thank you, Layne Staley, for being a voice which inspired.
Thank you, Doug, for being a fine vocal coach and music producer.
Thank you, nature and biology, for giving me a voice and making it next to impossible to ‘truly’ lose it.

Note: Thank-yous are subject to change.

Being VST

Congratulations_II: article 5gd5

Post author By c-e
Post date October 19, 2022
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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, and in reality, it certainly is what we think it is.

How can I be so certain? Easy! I took hold of a dream, and while thinking I was within a song, pressed as hard as I could forward (with sustain) from the mouth. It took maybe four seconds in all before I could feel the wall that is dense VE in my gut.

How superb is that?

Of course, this wasn’t the first time I’d ever taken hold of a dream for such a cause; however, it was the first time I did so without fear.

Perhaps I wasn’t expressive enough. This sensation used to trip me right the rock candy out.

Not only did I not understand what it was, I had never settled on a diagnosis. (These two things are basically the same thing.)

Now, the irony isn’t lost on me. I feel as though I am at the end of my life, and I’ve finally discovered how to impress upon the instinctual, unconscious mind the importance of building VE.

Still, there is the sense of an accomplishment therein. An almost extraoridinary accomplishment (that no one will believe for another 100 years!)

How lucky am I? How kind am I? How extra classic am I?

When do I put a cap on VST? When will my contribution to humanity justify the suffering? I’d have to be an idiot to think my work would be done before I’m in the grave, so I’ll continue to write about it when the inspiration hits me.

And let’s not be brazen! I have thought of so many things I 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 add to all the things. The trouble is, I am of a particular personality. There are several perspectives, I feel, that are not mine to ink onto reality.

They say how revealing it is to show your hand at the end of the game. I find it frustrating to no rock candy’d end that I can’t talk about 𝘢𝘭𝘭 that ails me, but let’s be honest, if I did, I’d end up silently, stone-faced crying on the couch again, dejected … rejected, just like when Andrew refuted my proofs that year ago.

I’m not interested.

We’ll see how embarrassed I am in three months.

VST

Congratulations: article 5gd4

Post author By c-e
Post date September 11, 2022
No Comments on Congratulations: article 5gd4

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬; however, in reality, we don’t actually know if it is indeed what we think it is.

After years of pressing forward from the lip and craving, you’ve turned your dream into something so productive! Thinking you need more and more—great amounts of VE to be satisfied. Relish in what you’ve accomplished for a little while.

It comes in your sleep, you see?

You had a dream light enough to think within, but deep enough not to wake from, but all you desired was more VE! More!

You feel it in your solar plexus, I believe! I am struggling to recall because it is so notable, yet so delicate and visceral. Forgive me, but believe you me, there 𝐈͟𝐒 something there; and I am 50% certain this isn’t no sleep apnea! Because really, the dream and the sensation belong to each other! They correlate, I am telling you!

Picture this: An unknown street with unknown buildings. You have a history of walking down streets singing, now you are there! Now, the suffocating and so thick-as-a-wall sensation comes over you during this experience.

What else could it be? I can hold my breath! It is n͟ot accompanied by this sensation! What else could it be?

I have experienced this off and on for the past two years, and I have one request: That it not be so damn hard to manage!

Music

A short, personal essay on metal

Post author By c-e
Post date August 26, 2022
No Comments on A short, personal essay on metal

S͟k͟e͟t͟c͟hy b͟e͟g͟i͟n͟n͟i͟n͟gs

I didn’t begin liking the heavy stuff until much later. I knew of AC/DC, Def Leppard’s Hysteria, ZZ Top’s ‘greatest hits’, and a smattering of other rock groups like Kim Mitchell & April Wine for the longest time. I would have been seven-ish when I first fell in love with The Backstreet Boys. It wasn’t until I was ~12 when I really took to my parents’ music collection, as aforementioned. My first introduction to metal metal was Venom’s Bloodlust.

That was really something else. I knew of Metallica’s S/T, and I do believe I knew Number of the Beast (the song). I do even find it surprising to this day that there was a time when ‘Stained Glass [sic]’ wasn’t music I was too interested in. That was all about to change, however; and it all began when I was ~15.

Yes, by the time I was 15, I was a budding music buff. Tool is metal too, right? They were my favourite band by a longshot! I had lots of Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, for I had assumed ownership of both my mother’s and father’s CD collections. (Well, really that isn’t too accurate, but I don’t care to correct myself.) There was a lot of other music, obviously, but that isn’t what we’re talking about today. I had all of Tool’s albums except Salival. (I still remember when 10,000 Days came out, and they were playing Vicarious on the radio…. Yea, I really didn’t like that song. I did still rush out to grab the album though!)

Fast forward to the age of 23: I was listening to as much music as I could (still), but this time it was different! I heard Atheist—oh yea, I had all the Black Sabbath albums up until Mob Rules back in the previous paragraph too. But yea, Atheist…. 𝘔𝘢𝘯! I couldn’t believe people could make music like that. I knew Tool was pretty technical, but Atheist was fast too! By this time, I had heard quite a bit of Voivod and had certainly listened to Pyromania, On Through the Night, Holy Diver (course I had owned The Last in Line too way back when). (I am really not doing a great job at getting the timeline perfect, but whatever.)

A paragraph dedicated to Voivod

I would have been ~17 when I first heard Nothingface. That was another in-awe-of-musicianship moment. Of course, Killing Technology … Dimension Hatröss were excellent listens, and I struggled to like much off War & Pain – but I still sought out to purchase Rrröööaaarrr. (I literally couldn’t get Nothingface nor Angel Rat on CD through A&B Sound.) Clouds in my House is some amazing music. (I actually really want an Angel Rat album patch: maybe one day.)

M͟o͟re e͟s͟s͟ay

Yea, so ~23 was when I first heard Atheist. This was about the time when I began wondering if I actually did like Venom’s Bloodlust. It was just so different from anything I had ever heard before; however, it wouldn’t be until I was 28 that I really gave Venom a listen. But with Venom came the surge of metal catalogue that came to be familiar to me, especially thanks to YouTube and Discord metal guilds.

I thank the gods a decent chunk of music publishers put music on YouTube. I have a couple decently sized playlists there (bonus points if you can find them). (This isn’t one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL7Izflqn2s&list=PLTpIRIbr6VJ8s0sXvfpO1uDSTOQE-Vj_p)

I would like to mention, I did know of a bit of alt. metal like Sevendust back when my person was ~12 years of age. Now, my favourite metal bands are as follows:

①　Voivod
②　Venom
③　Possessed
④　Queensrÿche
⑤　Judas Priest

It’s almost crazy to think about how much music a person can potentially listen to in their lifetime. But just metal? Kids these days can begin their lives with a helping of the heaviest stuff ever recorded. It’s almost enough to make one envious, really, though I try not to think too heavily about how much music I could have listened to, if I hadn’t spent so many years just gaming out.

Here’s a tweet for posterity: https://twitter.com/expcurtis/status/1537152865352839168. These tweets don’t mention my latest discoveries: Asunder (2003), Grime (2012), Noothgrush (1997 + 1998), Fistula (2016). Listening to Grime was the first time I’d ever been scared while listening. That was new!

Not sure what else there is to say. I listen to a varied tinge of music. Definitely more than a lot of people, but less than the other portion of people that listen to more.

Metal is life.

Note: This is by no means a comprehensive story of my metal experience.

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