すみません。私には、このドキュメントの文章をプレーンテキストで投稿する視力と忍耐力がありません。 これはポッドキャストエピソードの公式翻訳ではありません!私は助けを雇った独立した市民です。 このページの翻訳は MTL です。ドキュメントはそうではありません。
Sorry. I don’t have the eyesight and patience to take the writing in this document and post it in plain text.
This is not an official translation of the podcast episode! I am an independent citizen who’d hired help.
The translation on this page is an MTL. The document is not.
Month: July 2024
Categories
When someone asks a certain question.
Categories
Confessions of a Borderlands Junkie
To the best of my recollection, 60% of my guns and shields legitimately spawned in the game. Couldn’t remember what backpack sizes 58s originally had (because I’d played with them at 300 for so long), but there was an attempt later on to thoroughly go through and figure out how much they should’ve had – and did that. Better late than never? It occurred to me one day: Wouldn’t it be fun to try to stay within the bounds of a legit backpack size?
Why did I say 60%? Because while farming at Knoxx’s Armory, 59s, 60s and 61s spawn. A 58 can’t use 59s, 60s, and 61s, so it was necessary to level them down. I’m not going to pretend like I was never greedy for a 58, either. Later, way near the end of my farming runs at Knoxx, I’d roll a 12-sided die and use that to decide what to do. You don’t have to lecture me on why that isn’t a perfect system, either.
Most the loot farmed through Knoxx in the last two years was obtained by 1-shotting Knoxx. If I had the money, I’d have been doing the same thing I was doing when I was playing on the PS3: 2-player game, use Sledge’s Shotgun to land behind the locked door. That was 99.9% of my farming route in those days. Fast-forward to recent days, I didn’t have the money, so I had to make one of those guns.
For what it’s worth, I’d never even picked up a 1-shot gun before. I’m sure, at one point, I’d picked up a chimera before I learned what loot was supposed to look like in the game, though. Always despised 1-shot guns. There’s literally no reason to ever have one. But then, if I wanted to farm at Knoxx, I needed to make one, so there you go.
I can count on one hand the guns I’d changed one or two parts because I was so heartbroken, too. Ever wanted a two-shot brl4 Red Hyperion? Well, with my 2-player game and shotgun in-hand, it extended an olive branch and gave me an AX420.W. Needless to say, a part of me died that day.
By the way, I really don’t know if 60% is accurate. Go farm Knoxx at 58 and make up your own mind.
Obviously, in the last two years, I was doing co-op with ‘four players’. It was when that Torgue Steel Mauler spawned, I thought to myself, ‘Well, I guess that does it!’, and haven’t played since. (Yes, of course, I cycled it in for awhile before putting the game down!) If I recall correctly, it was a 61.
There was a brief time (three to six months circa 2010), when I was passing off even leveled-down guns as legit on the forums. Sorry, I guess. Doubt that’ll make anyone feel better. On the bright side, my conscience eventually did catch up to me!
I don’t know if there’s any Borderlands nerd out there who feels, as I do, that it fucking sucks you can’t uninstall DLC on PC. Constantly having to level myself down is soooooooo absurdly dumb!
Also, there was that one time I gave a gun I’d upgraded the parts on to a random. It wasn’t long after I felt it sucked to have tried on that face. It’s lame shit, dude.
Uh…
Yea, I’m real sad that post that explained how to get GearCalc on Flash Point is lost to the ages. It wasn’t until I’d had to reinstall Windows that it became clear it worked (it’s a long story). The writing was on the wall they were going to shut down the new forums, but I didn’t feel the urgency. One day, maybe it’ll make its reappearance. Damn, I loved playing with GearCalc again!
Uh…
I want to put my Skyrim and Borderlands saves online. I think that’d be pretty sweet.
I don’t know what they did right with Borderlands (2009), but fuck, that shit was fun!
Rushing in with the spiderants @ Rust Commons West (by the cliffside)… Fuckin’ uh… spiderants and scythids @ Rust Commons East. Obviously, Crimson Lance out @ Old Haven gets a shout-out. As a rule of thumb, always start your day with a loadout of shock @ The Descent. Even skags were sometimes fun to wipe out! You know, I could literally just name every location and every mob spawn point, and that still wouldn’t tell you how much fun I had. This game is gold! Really wish I could’ve seen it with a working Vengeance.
Oh yea… I did make a Hornet Dove after around 200 runs (not to be confused with actual Doves). I do think I put in some time; nothing compared to what I’d seen other guys put in, but I did keep farming for it after making it, too! Maybe, really, only 30 or so runs, if I’m going to be honest…
Oh yea… I’m not even close to trying to fool you saying this: I had farmed up a pt. 2 Savior Bone Shredder after, I kid you not, ~40 runs – but then, lost it because I accidentally overwrote the toon somehow. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, sadly, but I did go and make a pt. 1 variant out of spite, and played with that a little. Put it on a new Lilith with (yes, a legit) Mercenary w/ regen. Had some good fun seeing how long I could go without needing to use anything else.
I put some stupid amount of time into farming in this game. You want to know how many Reapers I seen? Two. And they were like brl0 garbage!
At about this point, you may be wondering, ‘Why the hell were you farming at level 58?’
Easy! 69s have waaaaaaaay too many skill points, man! I don’t want to be a god on Pandora, man! I want to have to really, really, really try to spec the build for how I play! Yea, you could rebut with ‘Just don’t allocate the points, then!’ But my feeling was ‘I didn’t want to have to limit who I could play with (No-DLC Gang) – because I knew all the 69s were always turning up their noses at us 58s. (If you want an honest answer, you’d have to ask me back around 2010, but I do recall there being a mixture of things like believing the retards who’d jump into games 1-shotting everything would prefer to join 69-sessions.)
Lilith > Roland > Mordecai > Brick.
I’d always imagined Mordecai being so much fun for people with good eyesight.
Tormentor (Spark, obvs., mat2) > Gunslinger (never got my hands on a Relentless +4, mat2) > Bombardier (Wide Load, mat3)> Catalyst (because bunnies, mat2) > Ranger (you know I love making it rain, mat don’t matter) > Sniper (4 don’t matter, mat3) > Tempest (Silent Resolve for giggles, mat3) > Heavy Gunner (just have every one of them in case) > Tactician (Quick Charge, mat3). After that, Shock Trooper can be pretty fun with Refire; Phoenix, Firefly, and Mercenary have a place in my heart (especially Phoenix, though bugs hurt); Mat3 Killer Assassin & mat2 Fast Hands Survivor are on my wishlist; If Bombardier weren’t so much fun, I could argue in favour of Blast Master and Titan. Of course, I’ll admit, a Revenge Blast Master is a little fun every now and then. And a Safeguard Titan + Pangolin is pretty good for the giggles!
Pretty well always use Tediore and Anshin. Pangolin are just so damn cool though, and a Muscleman’s all right for those times you want to feel like a powerhouse. There is a part of me that wishes I didn’t lose so much loot when shit got real in ’13 (a bunch of my stuff got destroyed), because I did used to have a perfect mat3 Atlas. Obviously don’t remember what level.
Yea, and that’s about all I can think to put here. Hope you enjoyed the read. If I find I have more things to say about Borderlands, I’ll put it on the site.
PS: Why does the Borderlands fandom not have all the barrels for repeaters and machine pistols? Maybe they’re somewhere else on the website?
Categories
A Third Attempt
… is being made to communicate the state of my consciousness (the others were abandoned). Plainly, it appears I have DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder). (Expect this article to meander a bit.)
I’ve arrived at a point where I have realized it doesn’t really matter to me whether my life’s work is adopted en masse. I recently heard about how Carl Jung ordered that his one book, there, be published 50 years (or something) after his passing, so that people took his work seriously.
Don’t get me wrong: I absolutely and totally understand why he asked for that.
Simply, it occurred to me yesterday that the learned I am trying to influence may, in fact, be so glued to their wishy-washy understandings and, thus, ‘We are above reproach!’ that no amount of evidence will convince them of anything. It’s the nature of the beast. Really, it’s the nature of the beast.
Do be aware: I had been aware of the idea of a stubbornness to change that flies in the face of evidence long before the trans ideology coupled itself with the cost-sunk fallacy. Give me empathy points for that one; but topically, it’s one of the analogies. I can think of others.
Have I beat around the bush enough?
I know that it’s DID because of circumstantial evidence (of course): Firstly, during one particular psychosis, I’d arrived at a desire not for the whispers to stop, but that they move elsewhere – which they did; secondly, it was when I’d realized the whispers could be unaware that it were its own personality, the psychosis phenomenon (and all the identifiers signalling its resurgency) ceased.
I’ll leave it up to good-faith psychiatrists and psychologists to piece together this puzzle. ‘Seasoned’ health professionals may not all be a lost and debilitating spirit in the machine, but these people deal with the sick. Something I, too, had been a number of times. With that comes so much room for trauma. (I know of one such psychiatrist who shouldn’t be practicing anymore. She’d long ago become jaded, impairing her judgement; I could see it in her eyes and body language the moment she put me in the box labeled ‘so far gone’. And I knew there was no way to rectify the impression I’d made. Despite being fully aware lapses in memory are normal, after that one appointment, it became very clear very soon a loaded die had been rolled.)
I’ve heard a lot about mental illness cases – and I am aware that the ratio of success cases versus the doomed disproportionately leans in one direction. So, I have no idea how the system can be improved – other than the FDA stopping being captured by the pharmaceutical industry. (After listening to DarkHorse Podcast, the idea that the progress of psychiatric medications haven’t been confused, corrupted, and crippled is so far away in the rear-view mirror that I wonder how I’m not a fucking vegetable right now. Honestly, you take five random reviews on drugs.com for the drug they had me on and amalgamate: that was me – and somehow, I didn’t have it that bad – if that makes any sense at all…)
‘When people are introduced to issues concerning people, things become complex.’ For what it’s worth, I’ve gotten in the habit of saying this.
When people are introduced to issues concerning people, things become complex.
What do I mean by ‘they moved elsewhere’? It’s very easy to answer that question: I merely preferred that rather than hearing ‘voices’ where they’d sprung up in my psyche, they take a more active role through the mimicking of speech. Imagine going to talk without actually talking or moving the lips or anything like that.
Now, considering the whispers receded in their activity once the change had occurred, what does that mean?
I’ve been off whispers and off medication for over one year now. And no psychosis in sight. Before, I was going through psychosis every year since 2015. Then, in 2022, I realized DID was a possibility, and logically, after much contemplation and experience, figured whispers could be a personality that doesn’t know it is one. Add to the mix it obviously doesn’t know anything you don’t: voila! You get peace of mind, and whispers stop having any integrity. (Definitely fully aware mentioning ‘whispers’ there is ammunition for bad-faith actors, but whatever… I haven’t gone through the trouble of trying to coin a word for the way it works for me.)
And it has been a great boon to my mental health knowing that I may be on to something.
Here’s the bad news:
I’m probably going to be dying pretty soon, here. Probably from exhaustion.
You know, I care not for those who’ve made a caricature of me in their heads and discard what I’d done. Incidentally, real people may be aware: The people who’ll shout ‘Get help!’ aren’t even trying and, really, haven’t figured out the difference between real values and an inclination to hysteria. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the ‘easy’ thoughts you see on social media don’t belong to the demographic I am trying to reach. All you knee-jerkers are free to be unthinking, bought, and ignorant for the rest of your lives. That’s what the MSM, the government, and the ‘advertisers’ who they’re beholden to ask of you. Have at ‘er, bud!
No; there may be a pocket of psychiatrists, doctors, musicians, and nerds—level-headed people, the learned, and wanting-to-learn alike—who may come across these writings of mine.
Yea; I’m probably going to be dying pretty soon, here.
Today was the first day I woke up, went to go sit in the black chair, and was almost immediately hit by this muscular exhaustion I’ve become accustomed to in my neck. There’s a general warm, tired soreness more regularly moving into my back at large, as well.
It’s a terrifying world where a person won’t be taken seriously because of their history with ‘mental illness’.
But I understand that there are people out there with real somatic delusions (technically, I may or may not have had them in a previous psychosis, though no matter how many times I’d asked, I didn’t get a straight answer), and your average doctor figures you don’t know shit about nothing to start with. Sorry to all the average doctors out there that don’t feel this way!
My uncle figures the right time to be is when you’re alive.
Bret Weinstein has talked about how tissue can only suffer so much trauma before it can no longer heal. I don’t know whether the cold and fine sore stinging my shoulder-to-neck muscles exhibit is a result of this, or is the result of falling asleep before they’re finished doing their thing – and thus, cannot completely heal overnight.
All I know is it’s getting worse, and it’s obviously happening earlier. Supplementing with protein appears to not help.
Sincerely, this affliction was crossing into torturous only just so long ago, and now it’s, I fear, going to be only torturous from here on out.
I have wondered of the distinction between suffering and torture.
For those who’ve only seen this article: By the way, this injury that’s brought me here would not have brought me here if it were not for some very outstanding circumstances! For this reason, I wholly understand why aid cannot be attained.
I do fear a future where I cannot lay in a moderately comfy bed only when I’m tired and cannot hop on the computer or sit with my phone when I’m not tired; that’s a kind of cruel and unusual. And I can’t even imagine the cruel and unusual of being forced medications again when I’m alive, here, right now.
I’d heard a lot of talk of Cain and Able through the grapevine. One does wonder about the meaning of sacrifice.
On one hand, I know humanity is finite; on the other, I want to stand with those who have it in them to nurture the present.
Best regards,
Curtis C.
Date finished: 13th of July, 2024.
I was inspired by Terrence Howard’s exchange with Eric Weinstein on JRE to take the time to do the next logical thing: put the only surviving recordings of my falsetto, what it was and what it (moodily) ‘can be’, back-to-back. And I threw in a recording done today, just to elaborate on what I mean by ‘moodily’ and ‘can be’.
Doug’s (my second vocal coach) family may still have the backing tracks + vocals going back to the days when he was helping me out. Of course, I don’t mean to assume he has passed, but it has been 15+ years. Wherever he is, I hope he’s doing what he loves doing! (Marvin Gaye – What’s Going On, The Spencer Davis Group – I’m a Man, Marvin Gaye – Funk Me, and The Spencer Davis Group – Midnight Train are all I believe were recorded.)
Have your pick from Rumble and YouTube!
Original recordings where clips are from are stated in video descriptions, but let’s put them here, too, for convenience: ‘Freeform Voice Progress Talk: The Joy of Falsetto’ and ‘The Mutual Re$pect Gang – It Feels Good (to Be Alive). The third appears online only in this video.
Provided you are the least bit piqued, consider reading this article:
Provided you are still hanging on, consider jumping to this page of articles with (most) my inferences, speculations, and conclusions contained therein:
PS: The changing of pitch in the first recorded clip is intentional, though the phenomenon, as a whole, is nothing but apparent when working with so little VE, i.e., it’ll change pitch on its own.