Category: Being

Walking helps—oh! Before I get into it, this is a continuation of my thoughts on dopamine and haloperidol.

Walking does help, but I’m pretty sure it’s the sunlight that’s doing it.

Taking the recommended L-Tyrosine (on the bottle = 6 capsules), DL-Phenylalanine (1 capsule), B6 (2 capsules) + Rhodiola (not sure why everyone capitalizes the r) doesn’t have the desired effect.

I took the above one week after my last dose of Rhodiola.

For some reason, the hit I get from Rhodiola gets weaker every time I take it.

I wish listening to Studio “Syrup Comfiture” would grant me relief. I wish my psychiatrist were studied enough to tell me why I’m flirting with the answer, but yet still, stands so far away and obscured.

Except for that one, fucking psychiatrists are all the same, but he’s retired now, so good luck with that. I feel like I could’ve definitely relied on him to give me some learned suggestions.

EDIT: It seems rhodiola (rosea root extract) isn’t a hopeless avenue to explore!

It had been on the agenda to wait some days before taking it again to see if I could get it to reproduce the effect it had in the recent past.

Some success has been found by waiting five days between doses.

Now, it’s just a matter of figuring out what extra supplementing my brain needs to make it truly count on this one day! (At least, that’s how I theorize this’ll work out.)
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So, haliperidone and paliperidone interfere with the dopamine receptors in the brain, but there’s more to the effect than simply making one feel sleepy.

I can attest that, while exercise does make that feeling of contentedness associated with dopamine, there is something else going on, because even though I’ll feel like playing a game (Skyrim or Borderlands) on my computer, the feeling that I actually can game out is, insofar as I can manage, out of reach.

And I have tried to game out while feeling this way! I last (maybe) five minutes before I lose all motivation and interest to continue.

So, what the fuck is it that I have to do, so that I can pass the time enjoying myself, instead of laying in bed tired but awake?

I have done a little reading.

Apparently, the brain uses DL-phenylalanine and tyrosine together to create stuff, and then, that stuff ends up as dopamine, yea?

Iron and B6 are also needed to get the process going… apparently…

But here’s the roadblock: Rhodiola rosea extract will make my brain feel normal one time (in my experience)!

Why is that?

Diminishing returns until the fourth day where there is no happy relief (allowing me to game out for, at least, three hours).

And I need that happy relief!

I need it!

I don’t even know who I can take these ponderings to.

It’s very frustrating… hard… and let’s just say being out of bed for ~2 hours a day on average is not a life I want to lead.

How many of you are hip-hip-hoorahing me for finally taking some time to cure this sad, sorry state I am in?

This is all so very interesting.

TL;DR: Get a tea with ginseng and a ginseng extract tincture.

You can use the tea as intended, though be aware that it’ll be more effective cold, so you can put it in the freezer and grab it as needed. The tincture is good for two drops in with your laundry. No need for any special treatment; just put it on a rag.

Some months ago, I stopped needing to use it altogether; however—and of course, you likely will never need to go to such lengths, but ginseng does indeed have muscle strengthening qualities.

While I say ‘strengthening’, I am unsure as to what word would be better suited there because strengthening implies it’ll help in building muscle.

I do NOT know much, yet I do know if it weren’t for ginseng, I’d have been begging those around me to put me out of my misery, for the pain was unbearable!

So, if you run into a situation where your back is injured and is minute-by-minute falling apart, ginseng will indeed come in handy sometime down the road!

In my case, it took five years for the injury to progress to the point where ginseng was necessary.

Moving along!

Now, the muscle in my neck and back and such feels much different. Even when I have to scratch my torso, the sensation of the scratching feels much different.

Simply, it’s as though the muscle has lost much tensile versatility (as my neck will hurt sharply quickly if I’m not careful about how I turn it. And I know my memory is bad, but I know this wasn’t the case before. My neck used to have much more give to it.

Maybe all this sounds so far-fetched, but you—yes, YOU— will never have to worry about your back muscle losing its stability and succumbing to a constant state of collapse.

It’s just not in the cards for you!

Rejoice at the thought!

申し訳ありませんが、私は日本語をあまり知らないので、この文書の信頼性を検証することはできませんが、代理店が最善を尽くしたと信じています。

Sorry, I do not know a great deal of Japanese, so I cannot verify the integrity of this document, but I have faith that the agency did their best!

原題：COVID Through a Pathologist’s Eye〘病理学者の目から見たCOVID〙

I’d learned about cranberry juice recently in treating nicotine withdrawal.

Still, it’s bonkers how easy it is to just keep smoking when you have a (hopefully) temporarily gimped up foot.

Today, I was able to go for a good walk, and for some reason, the left foot, there, fixed itself temporarily.

Why have you not healed in three weeks, foot?

So, I’ve hit a roadblock, and then, a small breakthrough with my vocal exercises (for increased VE production), so I’ve been trying to remind myself who I am: to beat the moneysink that smoking is.

I know I’ll have to resort to nicotine-cessation, and so, I’m planning to make a same-day appointment with my doctor: to get some pills, i.e., cranberry juice is expensive, and I don’t have the money to sustain this way of life with the moneysink that buying litres and litres of cranberry juice is.

Bupropion is on the menu!

‘Was it just that I had hurt his feelings?’

That keeps rolling around in my empty head.

He claimed I was manic, then later, after some explaining (it’s quite the story), he acknowledged I wasn’t.

But get this: I’m still certified, so I guess it’s not so easy to be a grown-up in this grown-up world.

I am a little bitter, though I wonder what the point of anything is with a memory that cannot grasp most any speech that’s too fast. It’s a mighty ugly reality, and certainly tries my hope for recovery-of-the-brain.

Then, the big question is, ‘If I’m not manic, why am I still certified?’!

Oh oh! I know! It’s because his feelings got hurt. (The number of caveats I’m omitting would fit on a Christmas tree, but we’ll just ignore that – because I want to be perfectly in the right, and not just a little right.)

Like the fucking guy was pointing to my empty Listerine bottles in the bathroom as evidence!

I’m sorry, but no… They’re there to remind me of how important my teeth are…

Anyways, I felt the desire to write come hell or high water, so here I am writing this shit.

The real trouble is, I know this won’t be something that can sustain itself.

These meds, dude! They really fuck me up!

I keep gravitating to cigarettes because it’s the only thing that I can see myself buying even if it doesn’t solve anything—there’s a chance a smoke session will make me feel like I can game out. They’re so few and far between though.

Plainly, it’s typically just me abusing bupropion to beat the addiction I always end up in.

I get the feeling treating my brain this way isn’t good, but what choice do I have? (Hands up to those of you who can fathom ‘not being able to do anything.’

Yea, that’s me. Always feeling like I can’t fucking do anything. Psychiatric drugs aren’t good, my dude/dudette.

Those fucking cigarettes though, man!

Why can’t they just leave the tobacco alone?

The obvious way to understand a situation you can’t in your right mind is, evaluate it in like a knee-jerk-off way, and that’s rudimentary,my dear boy!

Long time fans of this channel will remember an article a couple back; it’s hard to believe they found me on meds again, but I really don’t care anymore. (I used up my last bit of good gliding vibes, so that I could be myself a little of a year.) (Thankfully, my speech is back being slow, and thoughts are harder to formulate my usual logics again. /s)

You really have to recognize how much physical agony I’d been in, knowing the feeling of my back falling apart, and be faced with persons so rash, no amount of eloquence could end the suffering—its clockwork: grand and desirable to the homeless, but no! That isn’t for me.

As I sit here waiting for an appointment that’ll (likely) go nowhere. I’m about ready to give up the seeking, and just go eat a rock.

Remember when I said this? ‘… [H]ave to recognize how much physical agony I’d been in’. Yes, unheard w/ video proof. And still, managed to fixate on any thing he could to—what’s that term? ‘<something> bias’?

Oh, don’t be naive! I’d may as well be consumed by fatalism. Would I recognize myself if I just choose to stop being me? Because dying alone is a rice cookie, afterall—BUT I’M SITTING HERE WITH A 20% MENDED VOICE, thinking ‘You don’t even realize who I am!’

I lost my voice, you sons-of-bitches!
He lost his voice, you sons-of-bitches.

I lost my voice, you sons-of-bitches!
He lost his voice, you sons-of-bitches.

Fucking give me sanity long enough to have contributed something other than this theatrical fantasy where no one plays the lead.

I expect greatness from those ‘treating’ me now. And they’ll never come any closer to understanding how the voice works, either. Now, isn’t that special?!

Let’s leave it up to future-me to partake in the looting in the far away and after!
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Music got me hearing; lost silk after the hike, too.

Now that I’m sleeping so much again, I can theorize new ways to modify sleep into what it needs to be: congratulations!

Congratulations!

Also, as a side-note, my neck hurts soooooooo much if I turn it just ever so slightly in either direction: left and right; forward and back are someway less predictable.

Music got me here! But boy, it takes a tall order of pain to touch certain phrases.

すみません。私には、このドキュメントの文章をプレーンテキストで投稿する視力と忍耐力がありません。 これはポッドキャストエピソードの公式翻訳ではありません!私は助けを雇った独立した市民です。 このページの翻訳は MTL です。ドキュメントはそうではありません。

Sorry. I don’t have the eyesight and patience to take the writing in this document and post it in plain text.

This is not an official translation of the podcast episode! I am an independent citizen who’d hired help.

The translation on this page is an MTL. The document is not.